I try, we all try, but sometimes efforts don't match expectations. I have a suspicion as to why I haven't written since November, which I'll tell you, but first, it relates to another skill I lack.
I've been "cooking" for enough years to keep six sons alive. One night after making soup and grilled cheese sandwiches, one of our boys said, "Thanks, Dad, this is good."
"Yeah, I love these sandwiches," another son added. "Thanks, Dad."
Surprised, I asked, "Why do you think Dad made this?"
Puzzled brown eyes turned to me. "Because the food isn't burnt." Then, with a gasp of sudden realization, my son asked, "Did you make this, Mom?"
"Yes, I did!"
"Good job," said another son, genuinely impressed.
"Yeah," said another of our boys. "You did it, Mom!"
You'd think I'd learn, but just last week I was trying for this:
(I was SURE I'd turned the oven off!)
And, honestly, how hard is it to microwave a potato?
It depends on who's doing the microwaving. I managed to make a couple of potatoes very hard, so it's hard for me! (Haha!)
(Guess who made the GOOD vegetables pictured? Yep. Bob.)
Now for writing: I had the best intention of feeding my writing soul for at least an hour a day beginning November 2019. Even though I wasn't 100% with my intentions, I got three books done. (Desserts!)
When I presented a class at the Kanab Writing Conference in November 2021 on the subject of regular writing, to my great surprise, I was so scared I ran to the bathroom 5 minutes before class because I felt sick to my stomach!
People, if you know me, you know I'm not afraid to speak. I've taught a decade of writing classes to children and adults. I created and ran the "Write Here in Ephraim" conference for six years. I was the Storymakers Conference queen (chair) one year. I presented classes there more than once, have done many school presentations, and told stories on several occasions in several venues.
So when I was inexplicably afraid, and hated the presentation I'd worked so long on, I didn't even feel like myself.
Why did my best intentions fall short of grabbing the cliff edge, so I fell, screaming, into the bottomless pit?
My best guess is that my immunotherapy cancer treatments (for recurrent malignant melanoma) from May 2020 to June 2021 changed me. Since then, I can't eat meat anymore. It generates a gag reflex. I was even surprised to have to spit out my first bite of comforting bread pudding last week.
In other worlds, I feel best after sleeping for 10 hours...and then have a nap in the afternoon!
"The fatigue is a real thing, but there are so many different side effects that various patients experience."
for being unreasonably, unexpectedly, impossibly scared to teach a class, comes this little gem of information:
Immunotherapy is still a relatively new cancer therapy and this article serves as a reminder to psychiatric teams to consider immunotherapy as a possible factor in psychiatric presentations. Here, the authors present the case of a woman who developed signs of personality changes and acute mania after treatment with checkpoint inhibitors ipilimumab and nivolumab.
and this one!