Birthday Dinner Delight!

Why do I feel so sorry for people who are just trying to do their job but are being ignored?

Like the taste tester guy with NO ONE gathering around his table for free samples of some kind of bizarre seafood at Costco. Was it shark? Octopus? Giant Squid? I don't recall exactly what it was, but it made people walk a wide berth around his table. I must admit, it didn't look very appetizing. If he'd had customers, I probably would have walked past, but I didn't want him to feel useless, and I'm up for an adventure if it's not likely to kill me, so I ate a piece.

(WARNING! Train wreck photo coming! Do not continue if you faint at the sight of food "train wrecks.")

It was chewy.

It was actually tasty. (Sorry for the train wreck, but how else am I going to prove that I actually ATE it?)

It actually tasted better than the turkey sample! As my aunt once said, "You taste with your mouth, not with your eyes."

Good advice, right?

Do you like to try new kinds of food?

New York, No Fork, Mouth Open...uh...by the Ocean!

 (Hey, at least the title rhymes!)

My grandson (well, one of them...I've got four of the handsome little mugwumps!) got to go to New York with his high school drama team. When I wanted to commemorate his return with a picture of him behind the miniature Statue of Liberty he brought back, he obliged... with big bites of bread and chewing like a train wreck!

(Okay, I admit that a couple of weeks ago, I showed my chewed food "train wreck" to Bob, but he asked for it! No, he didn't say, "Show me what you're chewing," he just made an unsolicited food comment, which is as good as a train wreck request. So I have to entertain the possibility that my grandson comes by it honestly.) 

I had my own New York adventure as a six-year-old when I got lost at the New York World's Fair. A policeman took me to the Lost and Found with umbrellas, strollers, jackets, and one other kid whose parents came to collect him a couple of minutes after I arrived.

lt seemed like I waited for hours, definitely long enough to drink a glass of milk and eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich provided by the two ladies behind the counter. (I must have chewed with my mouth open, a la previously mentioned grandson, since I ended up with peanut butter and jelly blobs on my "I rode the monorail" sticker on my shirt.) There was enough time left after eating to wonder where I'd sleep if my family didn't claim me before nightfall. I thought I was too big for the strollers, and wasn't sure there were enough jackets to make a mattress my size.

But, voila! I was eventually claimed by my family, and rode home coloring in a coloring book until I got car sick.

(Ever since then, the smell of crayons has not been my favorite.)

What memorable trip(s) have you taken?

Rhinestone Squash

Have you ever heard of that special cake that has real gold leaf on it? You're supposed to eat it, gold and all. (I saw it on an episode of MONK, so it must be true.)
Have you ever heard of rhinestone squash? Trust me, it's not as good. I invented the recipe. I don't even know how it happened. One minute I was gluing rhinestones on my sweatshirt, and an hour later I was sitting in class eating from a container of cooked squash, picking rhinestones out of my teeth. How did they get from my sweatshirt to my squash? That is the mystery. No rhinestones were missing from my shirt, but there were 8 rhinestones mixed in my squash.
All I can say is, weird.
What weird thing has happened to you?

Stumpy the Steak

The alternative high school where I've worked the past four years has finally closed its doors with a bizarre end-of-school cookout. Not that the cookout was bizarre (except there wasn't enough watermelon). Our principal actually owns a catering service called "Ragin' Cajun" so he barbecues quite well and we eat heartily. No, the strangeness at this event was the main course, whose name happened to be "Stumpy."
We had a new teacher this year, and she's from a rodeo family, so they have lots of livestock. It's turns out that she was the provider of the ribs and steaks from her pet steer, named because the fluffy end of his tail was missing when he was born. "It was so funny to see him swish flies," she said, her eyes big and wet with remembering. "His tail would wag back and forth over his rump like a dog's." She blinked. "I miss Stumpy."
Well, my appetite was ruined. I mean, when you see cuts of meat on a plate, you don't necessarily see the animal they used to be, especially not a pet steer who wagged its tail like a dog!
"How can you talk about him like that?" I asked, my stomach rumbling.
"Oh," she said, wiping her eyes and looking up at me, because I'm nearly a foot taller than her. "It's all part of the circle of life. And when I die, ALL my animals are going to be there to meet me. Even Stumpy."
Well, if Stumpy wasn't going to hold a grudge, who am I to judge?

Six Saltines in a Minute Challenge

by Shirley Bahlmann
When I was at work the other day, one of the students challenged another student to eat six small saltine cracker squares in one minute. The rules were: you can drink as much water as you want to before the minute and after the minute, but not during the minute. You can eat them however you want to (one at a time, all at once) but you must have them chewed and swallowed by the time the minute is up.
Easy, right?
Wrong.
The student crunched and chewed and swallowed and swallowed. Crumbs spewed as he anxiously stuffed more crackers in his mouth. His eyes darted to the clock and the speeding second hand. By the time it reached the one minute mark, he still had crackers in his mouth.
It sounds so simple, yet appeared so difficult. I haven't tried this myself, but it would be interesting to hear if any of you or anyone in your family can do it. If you're of an adventurous nature and in the mood for saltines, then let me know what happens. See if you, or someone you love, can be the first six-saltines-in-a-minute champions of blogspot!
Then I'll tell you about the marshmallow cheek stuffer...

Coupon Togetherness

by Shirley Bahlmann
The printed word is magic. You can learn about anything in the world if you can read. My always hungry 14-year-old proved that point yesterday when he pulled a sheet of fast food coupons out of the trash, where his eat-at-home-loving dad had tossed them.
"Hey, Mom, let's go get some cinna-blobs," he said, pointed to a picture of a cinnamon roll that had been chopped to bits and stacked in a small plastic tray.
I think fast food is way over priced, but I went ahead and read the coupon. Well, whaddya know, buy one, get one free. I had errands to run, so I was fine with getting a snack if my 17-year-old would drive. He was happy to do so, and away we went.
When we got back home, all was well until my 8-year-old returned from playing at a friend's house and found the evidence: little boxes with smears of frosting in the corners.
"Hey," he asked, "where did these come from?"
I was cornered. Furtively, I admitted, "I bought them."
"I want some."
So I sent him on a clandestine mission on his bike with a pocketful of pennies and another coupon. His mission failed when he came home and reported that they were all out of cinna-blobs. "We can try again tomorrow," I told him to his frowny face.
So as soon as he got up this morning, he began chanting, "Go get food, go get food, go get food." Sleep had done nothing to fog his memory. I'd said we'd try again, so I slid my bare feet into a pair of flip flops and drove the few blocks to the fast food store, blinking at the girl through the little glass window. "Two cinna-blobs, please."
When we reached home, my 8-year-old hurried inside to share his bounty with his big brothers, regardless of the fact that they'd inhaled everything they'd gotten the day before.
Who would have guessed that coupons would bring our family closer together? Besides that, I didn't have to cook breakfast. It was a good morning after all.

EATING TIPS FOR THE HOLIDAYS

This isn't mine, it's a passalong, but I agree with it 100%! (I did a search for the author, but didn't find one. Whoever you are, AMEN!)

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can and quickly. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an "eggnog-aholic" or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it!!!! Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand-alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello???

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple, pumpkin and mincemeat - have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips: Start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

Remember this motto to live by:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body. But rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO what a ride!"