One Shoe Prayer

I was happy to say the prayer at church. What I wasn't happy about is that one of my shoes fell off when I stood up to pray. What the...? My first impulse was to turn back and bend over to get it. The very next flash of thought was how awkward that would be. The third flash (happened faster than the blink of an eye) was the question, "How reverent is it to pray with one shoe off and one shoe on? Diddle Diddle Dumpling, my son John." The people in back couldn't see my bare foot. The people in front were supposed to have their eyes closed.
So I folded my arms, bowed my head, and prayed. On some words, my voice strained against a giggle rising in my throat, but I hoped listeners would mistake the change in tone for heartfelt emotion.
Amen
What awkward situation have you found yourself in?

Rhinestone Squash

Have you ever heard of that special cake that has real gold leaf on it? You're supposed to eat it, gold and all. (I saw it on an episode of MONK, so it must be true.)
Have you ever heard of rhinestone squash? Trust me, it's not as good. I invented the recipe. I don't even know how it happened. One minute I was gluing rhinestones on my sweatshirt, and an hour later I was sitting in class eating from a container of cooked squash, picking rhinestones out of my teeth. How did they get from my sweatshirt to my squash? That is the mystery. No rhinestones were missing from my shirt, but there were 8 rhinestones mixed in my squash.
All I can say is, weird.
What weird thing has happened to you?

Can't sleep? Eat ice cream!

Ice cream and chocolate help you sleep! How delightful! Who knew? It must be true, since my very-educated niece serves her pre-school daughter vanilla ice cream and chocolate at night to help the cutie little girl sleep. It has something to do with the relaxing properties of calcium and magnesium. Even better, it works HOT, too, because when my MOM heard about it, she got up one restless night and fixed a cup of hot chocolate with added creamer. (She said if she'd had squirty whipped cream, she would have used that, but she made do.) As soon as she stumbled back to her bedroom, she didn't remember going to bed, but woke up rested in the morning, chocolate mustache and all.
If it works for young girls and old girls, then it ought to work for middle girls like me. I'm going to try it!
What do you do to help you sleep?

Tristi Pinkston shout-out!

This blog is for my friend, Tristi Pinkston. For one thing, she's kind. She made time to help me set up this blog. I even trusted her with my password, but so far she hasn't slid in any of her witty, wonderful writing for me. BUT SHE DID feature me on her blog, and I get the AIRHEAD AWARD for not putting her on mine during the same week! Tristi is a versatile writer, with actual factual historical books and FUN-FUN-FUN mysteries! She is classy and professional, with an editing service AND panelist positions at BYU's most recent LTUE (The Life, the Universe, and Everything) conference with hundreds of attendees. Her sense of humor is divine. I still laugh when I think about her cake song presented with real pathos during one of our Storymaker Conferences! You will be so happy if you visit her website right HERE: Tristi Pinkston. You will see her "Ooh-la-la" photograph and could follow her blog to give you a spot of happiness! I think everyone should have a Tristi in their lives. I'm sure glad I do.
Who is one of your "Tristi's?"

Silver Beauty Nails

I saw the cutest little girl at church the other day, no more than four years old, carrying her bag with long, shiny silver nails glued to her fingertips. As she set her bag down and trained her eyes on her nails, fluttering them slightly to catch reflecting light on their luminous surfaces, I had to smile. She had a great mom. I could tell the girl felt extraordinarily pretty, like a real grown up at nearly three feet tall.
As she fluttered her fingers through church, it brought back memories of my own long nail experiments with scotch tape. (Done when I was a child... and as an adult, too, ha, ha!) Placed just right on the fingernail, folded over double at the end and trimmed with scissors, scotch tape nails are the closest I've ever gotten to have long, luxuriant nails. They have a certain allure, an exotic edge to living the high life of fashion and ultra femininity. I can only stand them for an hour or two, then I have to peel them off so I can actually get something done.
Hm. If I color a strip of scotch tape black and cut fringes along one edge, I wonder if they'd work as false eyelashes...

How to de-stress your life

I recently read an article about how to de-stress your life. It held such pearls of wisdom as singing into a spatula while cooking, dancing around while folding laundry, and sliding across a polished floor. The article even stipulated that you should wear socks while sliding.
How silly. The whole thing was pointless. It was all about every day life. Doesn't everyone know you need to wear socks while sliding across a floor? Either that or shoes so worn out they have no tread to speak of. (Shoes worked for me in a Las Vegas casino two years ago.) And what's with singing into a spatula? My fake microphone of choice is a black plastic spoon. Duh. It looks WAY more like a microphone.
Dancing only while folding laundry is just plain ridiculous. You should dance while folding laundry, doing dishes, trying to open a stubborn jar of peaches, walking the dog, going upstairs (and down), when hearing a store's peppy piped-in music, and while trying to get your kids' attention away from the TV. Any time is good dancing time.
Everything mentioned in the article was such ordinary, every day stuff that they really need look into getting a real creative writer on staff.
But I have to admit that a tortoise wearing socks is a new one. It's positively inspiring! Let's see, I'll need a couple of pairs for the dog, twelve pairs for our three cats, oh, and we can't forget our two bunnies...

The Loves of my Life

(SCREAM!) What a handsome buncha hunks! (Swoon!) And they're all mine! (Well, except for the married ones. I get to share those with my adorable daughters-in-law.)
May I introduce my husband, Bob, and our sons Andy, Jeff, Scott, Zack, Brian, and Michael?
The only way you could ever offend me is if you tried to tell me my sons are ugly. So don't do it. Don't mess with this momma bear. Of course, it would be hard to lie.
Happy Valentine's Day! May you hold love and joy in your heart on this day of affection.