Besides the Bathroom...

When Carolyn and I were on the road, I stopped for gas and she went into the gas station to use the bathroom.

After I filled the car, I went into the gas station, too, and found Carolyn, not using the bathroom, but PLAYING BASKETBALL!

It was clearly worth the wait.

Do you like playing basketball?

Where's the Potty?

Whoever designed this building either had a sense of humor or a mean streak.

On my quest for a ladies' room, I walked down the hall and spotted a door...

...it turned out that it wasn't the one I wanted, but there might be a need for cleaning and/or first aid supplies if I didn't find a bathroom soon!

I stepped on past, still on a quest for the ladies' room, but my niece tugged on my arm and pointed to an obscure door beyond the custodial door in the dimness at the end of the hallway.

Was it true? Could it be?

Eureka! The door I'd searched for was finally revealed!

Who thought of putting the ladies' room in such a hard to find corner?

A man who didn't understand women's needs?

Or an embarrassed woman who didn't want people to see her going in through a bathroom door?

It's not a dirty toilet!

Okay, I'm the first to admit that I'm not the best housekeeper in the world. June Cleaver has me beat by a mile, but I'm better than I was. I have a few standards! So when I saw a brown spot in a toilet that I've fought to clean out hard water toilet rings (with near disastrous results), I decided to eradicate it.

But when I looked closer, the brown spot wasn't what I thought it was. Rather than a piece of waste, it was a thirsty moth.

Our old doggie used to drink out of the toilet, but this was the first time I found an insect taking a sip at the never-ending porcelain well.

What would you do?

Squish it?

Flush it?

or leave it?

Call It What It Is... but make it nice!

During a recent public gathering occasion I attended, I needed to powder my nose.

(In case you don't recognize the phrase, that's 19th Century Polite Lady reference for going to the bathroom.)

Anyone who knows me knows porta-potties are not my favorite way to powder my nose, but this one made me smile. 

 That's not the one I used, though. Instead, I opted for the clean white one, subconsciously thinking it might smell better.

It was STILL a porta-potty, but it didn't smell too badly, and to my surprise, it came with (ta-da!)

A flower on the counter.

That just made the powder blend perfectly on my nose.

What do you think of porta-potties? 

Wow! What a difference a floor makes!  My dear husband, Bob, worked so hard putting a new floor in our new/old house that he actually got a blister on his knee. I appreciate him so much! (In case you can't tell, the new floor is the wood laminate one.) For some reason, I find that I feel compelled to go into the bathroom more than I used to! ;o)

And I love the new wood laminate floor that goes through the whole house! It's so much better than the brittle old cracked linoleum, and we even had our first water disaster the morning after we finished installing it. (Our washing machine made a waterfall.) But the floor came out of the flood looking perfectly fine!

Bob also put in the fireplace which acts as our furnace. Before that, we only had a wood stove, fueled solely by wood that actually needed to be chopped. It's nice to have that as an option, but it wasn't ideal as the sole heat source. 

Would you like to chop wood to stay warm, or trot out to a real wood outhouse?

Or do you like "fake" gas fireplaces and indoor privys that just look rustic?

Where all the Flowers come from

Some people ask me, "Where do you get all your flowers?" as they stare at the flowers I like to wear in my hair.
Well, you see, when we moved into this house, I didn't know that the bathroom walls were actually vertical flower gardens. I conveniently find colorful flowers growing in rows, so I simply reach out and pick the ones that match my clothes.
This angle shows one wall of flowers growing in my bathroom (along with necklace bushes and earring fruit... and do you see the small, heavenly rays slanting from the upper left corner? Hear the angels singing? "Ahhhhh." They like flowers, too.)
I have another wall of blue, bronze, white, purple, and red flowers growing on rows of ribbon. There's a color for anything the morning might throw at me, and if there's not, then I just go out and get more flowers and make them into hair clips! (Can you keep a secret? Sometimes I clip them onto my clothes, too.)
Some people have told me that they recognize me by my hair flowers. Is it because there are so many 6 foot tall blonde grandmas that each one needs their own trademark? Okay, I'll go with that, as long as I get to look like a blooming garden!
What's your trademark?  

What do you wear to jail?

By Shirley Bahlmann
Tonight I'll be in jail. Seriously. But it's not my fault! It's all because of my two youngest sons.
We have a new county jail, you see, and someone thought of the bright idea to let community people stay there overnight before it's officially opened for business. Bob thought he might go stay with 9-year-old Michael, but his available next weekend is booked solid, so guess who is the responsible adult? (Well, the adult, anyway. No, not 15-year-old Brian who is going, too, but me. Moi.) When I called to book the room, the dispatcher told me there was an open toilet in the cell. No walls, no door.
Okay. So now what? I'm not willing to do what needs doing out in plain sight, so what to do about it? Wear an adult diaper? No, too drastic. I've got to shield myself... ah, yes! Use my accordion cardboard fabric mat! It folds out to make a screen that reaches clear to... oh. My waist.
Hm. That's okay when I'm sitting down, but what about standing up? What to do, what to do? Aha! Did you know that Queen Victoria used to hold court while sitting on a toilet? She covered the porcelain throne with her voluminous skirts! What's good enough for her is good enough for me. I'm wearing my long black jumper that goes clear to the floor. I've also got on my fuzzy hoodie, and I'm bringing my pink bathrobe to put over my head if necessary.
Yes, I think I'll cope just fine. I've had nothing to drink all afternoon, so maybe I won't even need to use the potty after all! And since this is the only overnight jail stay I ever plan to make, then I'll drink all the water I want from tomorrow on!
I'll just call this whole adventure "research."
Shirley Whirley Jailbird Girly