Thursday, December 23, 2010

Santa in my Rearview Mirror

It was a sad day for my little story time kids. The Santa from last year who gave them candy canes after sitting on his knee with excited whispers of what they wanted for Christmas was clean shaven and retired. The other Santa I called had arthritis and couldn't lift even the smallest child onto his lap.
With no other Santas in the wings, I figured we'd just have to go Santa-less this year. I trudged from the library, got in my car, started the engine, checked my mirrors, AND THERE WAS SANTA WALKING ACROSS THE STREET, REFLECTED IN MY REAR VIEW MIRROR! It was a miracle, it had to be the real Santa, even though no reindeer were in sight, tiny or not. I swept out of my parking space, whipped around at the intersection, and charged down Main Street, pulling to a screeching halt next to an astonished Santa. Before he could start running, I jumped out of my car and pled my case. "Would you be Santa for my Story Time kids at the library?"
Santa was more than happy to do so, as long as it didn't interfere with finals at Snow College. (Who knew? Santa never stops learning!)
So thanks to the miracle of rear view mirrors, the Story Time kids saw Santa this year, and Santa got some coupons for free ice cream cones. You know, in case he runs out of snow at the North Pole.
Ho, ho, ho!

BY REQUEST - Here is a photo of my gypsy skirt

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

My Halloween Church skirt!

I've spent the last three months looking for my "add a picture" link for my blog! No... not really... I've been taking an educational vacation!
When I went to church with my coin-spangled skirt, one young lady took a look at me and began laughing. "That is exactly like the skirt I wore for Halloween!" she hooted.
Yeah, your Halloween costume is my church clothing.
Figures!

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Lagoon

I was able to take Michael to Lagoon (amusement ride part in Utah) TWICE this summer! The first time, Bron was with us and got bored and wanted to leave at 3:00 p.m. (What the HEY?!) Michael still hadn't gotten into Lagoona Beach, so we stayed a few more hours. We finally left between 6-7:00 p.m. with the compromise that I would take Michael back on a cheaper "Bounce Back" pass.
The second time, I got lost on the freeway exit and Michael was laughing and calling it an adventure while I was stressing over it because we were getting FURTHER AWAY from Lagoon with no exit in sight! Argh!
But Michael's good nature was contagious, and I finally saw and exit, relaxed, and laughed along with Michael. I followed him around and told him he could go on anything he wanted. We went on a lot of Dracula's Caslte and Haunted House rides. He also rode the "Wicked" ride (alone... I get dizzy on twisty rides) and we rode bumper cars. The highlight may have been the gasoline car we paid extra for Michael to drive, with me as passenger! (He liked to swerve and brake hard.)
All in all, it was a good experience, and best of all, I think I talked him out of a Disneyland trip in favor of a possible future train ride from Salt Lake to Denver.
Choo, choo!

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Bron Wrote this REAL MAN poem!

I really like this poem my 16-year-old son, Bron Bahlmann, wrote, so I'm sharing it with you:

Oh deary me,
How it makes me laugh to see,
The obsession girls all have with Jacob Black,
Tough luck, bad news, he can't love you back.
I'm an author I write books,
So put away your dirty looks,
I know about this stuff,
And I know the news is rough,
But Jacob is a work of fiction,
About that there can be no contradiction,
When you say you love him again and again,
Your claiming your love for Stephanies brain,
Thats really all he is a thought somewere in her head,
You'd be better of loving someone who's dead,
They were real, made of flesh and bone,
But those are things Jacob has never known,
By all means think i'm jelouse and just not as good,
But i'm sorry to say this, jacob doesnt have the priesthood.
He cant bless the sacrament, and cant baptize the dead,
After all, he's a thought in Stephanies head,
I dont look like him and im not a "sexy beast"
I am a human though, and have a brain at least,
I dont have a crooked smile or cool tattoo,
But at least I can look in your eyes and say I love you,
So Edward has eternal life,
So will you if you become my wife,
A temple marriage is something I can share,
Even if im not real strong with lucious locks of hair,
I'm sorry if you want half dead kids, or ones with lots of hair,
All I can offer my future children is scriptures and daily prayer,
So if thats not good enough for you then by all means love Jacob Black,
But sorry to say, he can never love you back.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Washing Dishes Under the Palm Trees

Hey, I got the cool scenery calendars left over from my brother's office, laminated those babies and carefully cut out the palm tree/beach pictures. It helped my project that the calendar cover sported the same palm trees I fell in love with. After cutting them out, I stapled those babies to the wall over my kitchen sink. Ahhhh, the indescribable pleasure of doing dishes is now mine. I mean, my hands in warm water, the swaying palms in front of the brilliant orange sunset... it's what I've always dreamed of!
You can come over and beg for a turn, but I don't know if I can give up the dream vacation I get to go on three times a day!

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Don't you have anything BLACK?

I was asked to sing at a funeral. During our two practices, I was accused of looking like a Froot Loop and fruit salad. (This is because of my colorful clothes, in case you were wondering.) The ladies were discussing wearing black or gray to sing the actual song because it's a funeral.
Okay, herein lies an inherent thought process difference. I don't care if I wear bright colors to a funeral. I don't think it's disrespectful in the least. I mean, has the person who died gone on to a better place or not? If so, then let's send them off with color, why don't we?
Anyway, back to the singing ladies' discussion, as they were talking I had my eyes fixed firmly to the ceiling, contemplating the clothes in my closet. I was interrupted by one of the ladies asking, "Shirley, do you even HAVE anything black?"
Startled, I met her eyes. "Well, the last time I went to DI, Michael talked me into buying a black velvet jumper because it felt soft, but it has rhinestone sparkles on the straps and I can only wear it on Fast Sunday because it's a little tight across the tummy."
She rolled her eyes, "Oh, Shirley!"
Hey, I'm volunteering to sing from the kindness of my heart, and I can sing the same in fruit salad or black velvet!

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

The best days, the worst days

One of the pages in the kindergarten memory book was titled, "The Best Day of my Life." I looked down at the blonde, blue-eyed girl and asked, "What was the best day of your life?"
She brightened. "It was the day I got a boyfriend!"
Unsure that I understood, I asked, "A boyfriend?"
"Uh-huh," she nodded vigorously. "I dream about him every night. I have nightmares." She clasped her hands, smiling all the while.
My next task was to helped a small girl to read her book. She sagged in her chair and complained, "I can't read today. My teeth are tired."
It's true! Sometimes any excuse sounds good enough! Sometimes the most unexpected windfalls make the worst days into best days! Let's give in to some of those silly excuses and have our own way sometimes. Other times, let's bop those excuses on the head with a book and get busy, laughing all the way.

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Kids say the darnedest things

Kids are so funny!
I overheard one little guy say, "I've got a camel head in my backyard!"
A kindergarten girl said, "Sorry doesn't help when you bit my neck!"
Another little girl walked up to me with a dreamy look on her face and said, "I just got unpoisoned... where am I?"
I had to pull out my notepad... what a great story starter! You never know when they'll pop up!

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Out of the mouths... and other ends... of Babes

I was reading a book while babysitting my four-year-old grandson Connor. When the book was done, he said, "That story was ridiclious! Sometimes my daddy reads a book with just his mouth. Can you read a book just with your mouth?"
I wanted to say, "Where do you think your daddy got it?" but figured he wouldn't understand. So I told read him a book with just my mouth.
He topped it a short time later, though, when we were playing super heros. Connor popped up from where he hid behind his family's coffee table and pointed to his nearly 2-year-old brother. "Landon is a super dog named Jacob, and he shoots fireballs out of his butt."
I could tell he'd been in on some memorable diaper changes. I will be better off if I view all tasks, no matter how unpleasant, with a more Connor-ish point of view!

Sunday, June 20, 2010

TB or not TB?

I was required to have a TB test, which isn't exactly as fun as going to Lagoon, but really no big deal, right? So I got the shot under the skin and returned 48 hours later for my reading. The injection site wasn't blistered, but it looked a little bit rosy. The nurse lady picked up my arm, scrutinized the tiny reddish spot, then scraped it with the edge of a Post-It note. She rubbed it with her thumb about 12 times, then squeezed it, then scraped it, then rubbed it. She took out a clear plastic strip printed with graduated sizes of circles and held it over the now-much-redder spot.
"Um, is everything okay?" I asked.
"Have you been out of the country in the past month?" the nurse replied.
"No."
She tapped the clear strip against her palm. "Well, even if you had, the mark on your arm would have to be four times as big to be a positive result."
SAY WHAT? All the scraping and pinching when it wasn't even close to the right size for TB?
"I have sensitive skin," I offered. "I bruise and sunburn easily."
The nurse smiled for the first time. "That must be it!" she said, and cheerfully signed my paper signifying I was clean-as-a-whistle. I grabbed the form and dashed out the door before she could decide to inject my other arm "just to make sure."

Friday, June 11, 2010

It's all in how you look at it

I really get annoyed when people call wet weather "bad." When was the last time they were really thirsty? Where do they think the water in the glass came from? No, not the tooth fairy.
We had practice for the Mormon Miracle Pageant tonight, and it was raining. There's a very cool invention called a raincoat that pretty much solves the getting wet and cold thing. And since I forgot to wear a hat, my hair got rained on, and by the time I got home, it was the perfect dampness to set in rollers so it will be curly tomorrow. Such a nice surprise from straight hair.
It's all in how you look at it!

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Hot Babes in Kindergarten

What are kids coming to these? When I substituted in kindergarten, I asked a little girl what her best day ever was. She grinned her baby-toothed grin and said, "The day I got a boyfriend!"
SAY WHAT?! She should be in love with cookies and milk!
A young man in the same class looked through a book of world cultures. He stopped dead at a page of Mexican senoritas drawn in dancing poses wearing long skirts and peasant blouses, their black hair swirling around their heads. "Hot Babes!" he lisped, then began kissing the paper on top of their printed faces.
AGGHH! Slow down, you guys! You're only five years old! Act your age! It's fun to be a kid. I should know, since I still am one. ;o)

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Horse Laugh

Like a good daughter, I planned a visit to Mom for Mother's Day. I even called ahead, and she said she'd be there at 6:00. I happened to get there at 5:45, to find the house deserted. What the hey? Where could she be? It was Sunday, so there weren't a lot of options.
After a few minutes, I left her gift on her chair with a note and went out to my car when ZOOM! She pulled up to the house in her racing silver bullet van. Stepping out of the car and leaning on her cane, she said, "Sorry I wasn't here before. I was out feeding horses."
As my nephew said, "What kind of guy asks an 80 year old woman to feed his horses?!" (She's actually 85 this year.)
The answer is, she volunteered for the job!
That's my mom.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Mormon Mishaps and Mischief... WIN!

Do you like to laugh out loud? If not, you must be a rock, so what are you doing on the Internet?
This collection of zany and humorous incidents within the walls of the Mormon religion is good enough to take to church for a grown-up quiet book... no, wait... everyone would be laughing. Scratch that.
You should keep it by your bed, to read before you go to sleep... no, wait... it's hard to sleep while giggling. Never mind.
How about you get a copy just to love and read whenever the skies are gray and the sink is full of dishes? Yeah, that'll work!

The Mormon Mishaps and Mischief  Giveaway and Blog Tour!



In celebration of Mothers, and all they do for us, Mormon Mishaps authors C.L. Beck and D.N. Giles have put together a giveaway in conjunction with a week-long blog tour. If you aren’t interested in winning a fantastic advertising package valued at $150, you can stop reading now.

Wait, you’re still reading. That must mean you want to hear about our prize package, correct? Well. Okay then.

Let me first tell you a little about our sponsors, yourLDSneighborhood.com and YourLDSradio.com.



yourLDSneighborhood.com is an online shopping mall which features innovative products and LDS-based services, and great ideas for your home, all without the worries of questionable content. Shopping categories include Clothing, Music, Preparedness, Family Entertainment, Scrapbooking, Books and Art, Health and Food, Travel and Recreation, Weddings and more! Visit yourLDSneighborhood.com today.



Your LDS Neighborhood Newsletter is a free online newsletter that comes three times a week right to your email inbox. It provides topical stories and insights that set the tone for your day. The newsletter brings you articles, products, services, resources, and interviews from around the world, all with an LDS focus. Sign up today by clicking here!



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Okay, and now for the prize!


Your LDS Neighborhood has offered a YEAR LONG advertising package which includes space on the Neighborhood website as well as tiles in the newsletter. Were you to purchase advertising with them, this package would cost $150.

Here’s the best part. You don’t have to be LDS to advertise with the Neighborhood. As long as the business, blog, or product you’re promoting is family friendly, this advertising package will benefit you. Neighborhood ads are viewed daily around the globe, and by thousands of people.

So how do you win?

Entries will be accepted between May 4th and midnight, MST, May 16th. On May 17th, (or as close there about as possible) the winners will be chosen and announced on the LDS Humor blog. Although it's not required for entry, please take a minute to read the Mormon Mishaps and Mischief review/interview I've posted. Then, you must do the following four things to enter (but don't worry, they aren't hard):

1. Follow my blog, here.
2. Leave a comment here, at this blog.
3. Follow the LDS Humor blog.
4. Follow the Your LDS Neighborhood Newsletter blog.

Extra entries:

1. Blog about this contest, then come back and leave either a url address or a link in a comment.
2. Follow me on Twitter. (Bloggers, you can hyperlink this to your twitter page if you’d like, or include your twitter username.) And then tweet the contest. (Make sure to mention this in a comment.)
3. Facebook the contest. If your Facebook page is private, and I’m not your friend, I can’t see that you’ve done this, so you’ll need to friend me.(Same goes here.) Be sure to leave the link to where you've FB'd the contest in a comment.

All of these options can be mentioned in a single comment, and you can enter at all the participating blogs, as long as you follow and leave a comment for those bloggers so they know you love them.

You may enter this contest here, as well as on any of the tour posts at the following blogs:

May 4th Rachelle Christensen
May 4th Shirley Bahlmann
May 5th Karlene Browning
May 5th Heather Gardener, Fire and Ice Book Reviews
May 6th Kellie Buckner
May 6th Rachel Rager
May 7th Shauna Chambers
May 7th Heather Justesen
May 10th LDS Humor Blog
May 10th Keith Fisher
May 11th Tristi Pinkston
May 11th Rebecca Talley
May 12th Taffy Lovell
May 12th Kimberly Job
May 13th Connie Hall
May 13th Ali Cross

To purchase Mormon Mishaps and Mischief click here.


Sunday, May 2, 2010

A Bag Lady and the Lady in Red


Yes, this is me with my classy friend, Tami. I am carrying luggage, she is cool and collected in her suave red dress. She is the original Lady in Red, I am a the Bag Lady. How fun to have variety in life!
I decided today that I need to make "Don't Worry Be Happy," my theme song. If I knew how to put songs on blogs, I would put that one on here. Since I don't know how, you can click this link and sing along. Don't Worry Be Happy by Bob Marley
Be happy, mon.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Your Face Will Turn Green!

I recently became acquainted with a delicious drink made from a can of pineapple (including juice) a banana, and fresh spinach leaves (I just put in about half a bag... I don't measure) mixed up in a blender! The resulting drink is thick, green, and delicious! When the kindergarten class I substituted in yesterday saw me drinking it, they were appalled. "Mrs. Bahlmann," said one little girl, her eyes big and serious, "if you drink too much of that, your face will turn green."
Hm. There's a book title for you! "The Girl With the Green Face." It has a nice ring to it!
Have a smiley day!

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Easter, Oh, Easter!



IT WAS MICHAEL who remembered the Easter Bunny this year. On Easter Sunday, we celebrate the resurrection of Christ. On Monday, the Easter Bunny comes hopping down the bunny trail, and look what he left! It did my heart good to take pictures of my little boys finding Easter treats. It did my waistline bad to eat some. I mean, I KNOW WHAT THEY TASTE LIKE! So why did I think they'd be any different this year? They weren't!
In good-news-on-the-home-front, I got my Christmas story sent out to different publishers! It's my fondest hopeful greenie-and-growy wish that someone wants to publish it soon!
Ah, what a wonderful world.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Thankful...

Justin Osmond sent me a message from India about a cow lying in the middle of the road. Since cows are sacred there, people were driving around it. He wrote that he wanted to get his paintball gun and blast it! That made me laugh.
But then he wrote about a man who'd contracted polio as a child and had twisted little legs that didn't work. He dragged himself around by his arms. That nearly broke my heart. It also made me feel incredibly grateful for my legs, no matter how many varicose veins I have. So what if Bob tells me I don't have the right kind of toes for toenail polish? At least they work.
My heart was lighter when I realized how blessed I am in every part of my life. And I included that polio man in my prayers.
All will be well, because Father in Heaven is merciful and just.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Leprechaun traps

I was headed home from yet ANOTHER day of substitute teaching at Ephraim Elementary (if the kids like you, you're as good as a rock star!) when I found three little boys setting a leprechaun trap. They showed me how the loop worked to tighten so they could catch the leprechaun by the ankle. They showed me their method of burying the end of the rope under a handful of snow so he wouldn't be suspicious. They gave me the sobering information that they'd caught him earlier, but he escaped when they were in class. Their little faces brightened when I told them that leprechauns were still out, because it was still St. Patrick's Day.
With determination borne of youth, two of them climbed up into the spindly bush where the end of the rope was tied. The third boy cupped his hands around his mouth and yelled, "We're giving up and going inside! We're not trying to catch you any more, leprechaun, so you can come out now!"
Then he made a dash for the spindly bush and ducked behind its skeletal branches, his excited blue eyes peering out for any flash of green.
I got out of there quick. After all, I was dressed in green from my shoulders to my feet, and those boys were so determined, they might decide I was a king-sized leprechaun!

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

HEY! You can get EDITED!

There's a really cool contest, if you're a writer, that is, that involves a grand prize of having SOME OF THE PAGES YOU WROTE READ BY AN AGENT!
Guaranteed.
Okay, that's priceless. So check it out, why doncha? Click on:
Elena
or
http://suzettesaxton.blogspot.com/
HA, HA, I just got extra entry points for doing this, so I'm ahead of you!

Sunday, February 28, 2010

Free Food!

Anyone who knows me knows that cooking is not my favorite thing, at least, if I'm on the stove end. If I'm sitting at the table, I'm all for cooking. In fact, I'm so cooking challenged that when I was a college student, I would put a potato in the oven to cook while I went to class, then take it out and eat it when I got back. An hour later, I might open a can of green beans and eat them right out of the can. Hey, my stomach didn't care if I didn't eat different kinds of food at the same time.
So when I substituted at school Friday and found out that the Teacher Appreciation people brought in lunch for teachers, and were equally appreciative of substitutes, I got on the food wagon. It was all so delicious, from spinach salad to Hawaiian pizza to some kind of fluffy salad with... could it be?... cookie crumbles in it!
And in spite of the fact that I've lost 10 pounds in the last month by counting calories, I also gave myself a frosted brownie. And I counted every single chewy chocolate goodness calorie as it slid down.
It was worth every one

Monday, February 22, 2010

Michael's Happy Shirts

I love hand-me-downs, hand-me-overs, or hand-me-ups. I don't care if clothes are new before I wear them. In fact, I passed some "new" jeans in the store a couple of weeks ago with so much wear on the front of the thighs that I'm sure my underwear would show if I tried to pull on a pair.
But this isn't about me. It's about 10-year-old Michael who was given some shirts from a shirttail-cousin-by-marriage. ;0)
When Michael discovered the bright colored golf shirts with horizontal stripes, he said, "I LOVE these!" For the next couple of days, he wore different bright golf shirts. "You know Mom," he announced, "these shirts make me happy. I can't help it. When I wear them, I'm always in a good mood."
If that's the case, then those shirts aren't going anywhere! They'll be "wear-me-outs!"

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Articles of Faith of Mormon Culture

(I don't know who wrote these, but they're pretty funny if you "get 'em!")

1. We believe in SUVs and minivans, as the form of transportation, and in knee length shorts, which are always nice, and in the multilevel marketing.
2. We believe that church ball players should be punished for their own fouls, and not for unsportsmanlike aggression.
3. We believe that through bread crumbs, cheese, creamy soups, and rice all casseroles can be saved through obedience to ward cookbooks and creativity in the mixing bowl.
4. We believe that the first layers and ingredients of the Dip are: first, beans; second, cheese; third, chopped tomatoes; fourth, the gift of sour cream; fifth, olives; sixth, salsa; seventh, guacamole, that is, if you have it.
5. We believe that a Mormon should have a distinguished or a cute name, that it is appropriate to name a child after a church leader or a historical figure including an ancestor, that alternative spellings and French prefixes only add to a name, and that when referring to the names of General Authorities, middle initials should be a part thereof.
6. We believe in the same wall decor that exists in many Mormon homes, namely, framed family proclamations, vinyl lettering, inspirational word signs, family photos, pictures of temples and Jesus, and so forth.
7. We believe in the gift of the re-gift, church books, crafts, family photos, baked goods, emergency supply kits, and so forth.
8. We believe in sparkling grape juice so long as it is nonalcoholic; we also believe in bringing root beer and sprite to ward parties.
9. We believe in all that we have scrapbooked, all that we will now scrapbook, and we believe that we will yet scrapbook many great and important things pertaining to our family, friends, pets, and vacations.
10. We believe in the literal mixing of ketchup and mayo and in the generous application of ranch dressing; that CBAs (church-based acronyms) will be used to describe YM/YW, PEC, the Y, NCMO, and CTR; that Mitt Romney will get Mormons to vote for him any time he runs; and, that the Mormons will enjoy reading Twilight and The Work and the Glory.
11. We claim the privilege of trying to identify common acquaintances with any visitor at church, and allow all other people at church the same privilege, and let them name drop the names of Famous and general authorities how, where, or what they may.
12. We believe in being subject to scoutmasters, pampered chef hostesses, and the writers of the U.S. News and World Report Rankings for professional schools, and in obeying, honoring, and sustaining Glenn Beck.
13. We believe in being above average, good at crafts, optimistic, and being fifteen minutes late everywhere we go. Indeed, we may say that we follow BYU football. We believe rumors about famous people joining the church, we hope to meet the three Nephites, we have endured many pyramid schemes, and hope to be able to endure all pyramid schemes. If there is anything cheap, free, sold in bulk, or given away when somebody is moving, we seek after these things.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Remodeling

Ever since my bookcases collapsed, I have not seemed to be able to get on top of the clutter. It seems that most of what's left is, well, books. I just can't throw them away, and I have to go through them to see which ones I can possibly part with for library donations. I mean, without bookshelves, where else can I put them? I have started a stack against the wall, bricklayer style, of titles I want to read and then possibly donate.
Another squirrel in the coconut tree is that Bron wants to paint his room... at least, I thought he wanted to paint his room. Now it appears that he wants ME to HELP him paint his room. I already spent about 4 hours scraping wallpaper off the narrow wall of his room (the only place three layers were plastered, thank goodness.) I thought I'd done my decorator time. But apparently not.
Hey, I know! We can re-do Bron's room with bookcase walls! That will solve everything.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Girly-Girl

I went to see my sister last week, and found her 13-year-old triplet daughters playing beauty shop with nail polish. I lined up for the special treatment and got flowers painted on my fingernails and on one foot's worth of toes. (10-year-old Michael painted a variety of pictures on the other set of toes for me!)
I think they started something: while I keep my nails cut short for ease of typing, I actually dug out some small heart stickers this morning and am contemplating fixing them to my fingernails in honor of Valentine's Day!

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Grammy Walking


I've heard it said that older people tend to hunch when they walk and take smaller steps. The condition came upon me faster than I thought possible when I walked behind my grandson, Caspian, at Christmas.
Life is short. Do something you love.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Sweet Little Bunnies

I saw the strangest ad tacked up on the community bulletin board at our local grocery store. On a lined sheet of notebook paper torn from a three-ring binder were soft blue letters proclaiming, "Little bunnies, $3.00 each, 555-1093" Then, in black words scattered among the blue was written, "cuddle" "eat" "whatever."

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

An unexpected shower

I don't know about those automatic bathroom fixtures. You know, the ones where you just wave your hands, or your backside, depending on which commodity you're using, and it automatically does what it's supposed to? Flushing, dispensing water, soap, towels, or hot air are things I'd really rather do myself. I mean, I've stood in a bathroom stall before, waiting for things to disappear before I unlocked the door. And waiting. And waiting. Until, finally, FLOOSH! There it goes, and I can leave at last.
One time, I went into a restroom that had an automatic flusher, an automatic faucet, and an automatic soap dispenser, so naturally when I needed a towel, I just waved my hands over the magic sensor... but where was it? I felt like a mime as I ran my hands around the front, sides, and bottom of the towel dispenser without actually touching it.
Then I saw the lever.
Oh, I was supposed to push the lever MANUALLY to dispense a towel. I'm sure there was a hidden camera in there somewhere.
This Christmas, we went to Temple Square. There was a line in the ladies' bathroom, so when I got done with the automatic flush toilet that was reluctant to flush, I wondered if any of the waiting ladies were desperate. I quickly pushed a button on the toilet that I thought might flush it, but it turned out to be the sensor. So, putting modesty aside, I pushed out of the door, shrugged, and said, "It's supposed to flush automatically, but it's not doing its job."
Then I hurried to the sink and stuck my hands beneath the faucet. No water came out. In a hurry to get away before the lady who'd gone into my un-flushed stall came out, I moved my hands up and down, touching the faucet on each upsweep. Well, that's when the water came gushing out, spraying out from the pressure of my hands like a hose all over the mirror and the lady standing at the sink next to me.
"Oops!" I cried. "I'm so sorry!"
The last thing I heard as I fled was laughter, followed by the blessed words, "That's okay."

Birthday Hair Bow

On the day I wore "the bow," a man asked me, "What's the occasion?" Since I didn't of what "occasion&quo...