Sticky Coins

For some reason, my boys like fast food hamburgers. I'll admit there are times when getting them a dollar burger is more convenient than taking them home to fix food. On one occasion when I was talked into a spontaneous drive-through trip, I realized I didn't have my purse. A missing purse can jump-start your heart, especially after you've ordered the food.
What to do, what to do?
Fortunately, there were coins in the console. I had to pry them up because soda had spilled on them during an earlier car trip. We nearly lost our fingernails, but managed to pry up enough to cover the cost. After handing them over, I felt kind of bad to see the cashier struggling to separate the coins as she counted them.
But I got over it. I didn't have to cook, and the boys were happy.
Do you like fast food?

Was it my Forehead Tattoo?

My 11-year-old son opened a package of temporary tattoos and eagerly sifted through the contents. Then he looked up and me and asked, "Should I put one on my forehead?"
"Sure!"
"No, I don't dare."
"I do."
Eyes wide, he asked, "Really, Mom? You'd really let me put a tattoo on your forehead?"
"Yeah," I said, lifting up my bangs. I chose the girl tattoo, knowing he'd never use it. You might think that my bangs would hide the tattoo, but, no, more than one person asked me what had happened to my head.
Then came the phone call..."Hello?" I answered on the second ring.
"Is this mental counseling?" asked a male voice.
"No. What number were you calling?"
He rattled off my home phone number. "I found this listed on the Internet under 'mental counseling'," he explained.
"I'm sorry, it's the wrong number," I said. I hung up and caught sight of myself in a mirror, tattoo and all. Maybe the Internet was trying to tell me something.
Would YOU ever wear a tattoo on your head? (My seventeen year old said that some people get PAID to wear advertising tattoos! There's a career path for you.)

Ragged Hems and Sparkle Butts

How are crooked hems pretty? I don't get it. (I've also been accused of having no fashion sense, so ignore me if you closet is full of sweeping asymmetrical hemlines.) When I see a crooked hem, my fingers itch to get at my scissors, pins, needle and thread to fix it.
And how are sparkle butt pants attractive? (Again, if you have nothing but sparkle butt pants, WHY?") Unless you have the dimensions of a pencil and your butt is your best asset (har-har) why draw attention to it? I've followed behind ladies clad in sparkle butt designs and, yes, it does broaden their base.
What fashions curl your eyelashes? (I'm sure you'll find some in my closet!)

One Shoe Prayer

I was happy to say the prayer at church. What I wasn't happy about is that one of my shoes fell off when I stood up to pray. What the...? My first impulse was to turn back and bend over to get it. The very next flash of thought was how awkward that would be. The third flash (happened faster than the blink of an eye) was the question, "How reverent is it to pray with one shoe off and one shoe on? Diddle Diddle Dumpling, my son John." The people in back couldn't see my bare foot. The people in front were supposed to have their eyes closed.
So I folded my arms, bowed my head, and prayed. On some words, my voice strained against a giggle rising in my throat, but I hoped listeners would mistake the change in tone for heartfelt emotion.
Amen
What awkward situation have you found yourself in?

Rhinestone Squash

Have you ever heard of that special cake that has real gold leaf on it? You're supposed to eat it, gold and all. (I saw it on an episode of MONK, so it must be true.)
Have you ever heard of rhinestone squash? Trust me, it's not as good. I invented the recipe. I don't even know how it happened. One minute I was gluing rhinestones on my sweatshirt, and an hour later I was sitting in class eating from a container of cooked squash, picking rhinestones out of my teeth. How did they get from my sweatshirt to my squash? That is the mystery. No rhinestones were missing from my shirt, but there were 8 rhinestones mixed in my squash.
All I can say is, weird.
What weird thing has happened to you?

Can't sleep? Eat ice cream!

Ice cream and chocolate help you sleep! How delightful! Who knew? It must be true, since my very-educated niece serves her pre-school daughter vanilla ice cream and chocolate at night to help the cutie little girl sleep. It has something to do with the relaxing properties of calcium and magnesium. Even better, it works HOT, too, because when my MOM heard about it, she got up one restless night and fixed a cup of hot chocolate with added creamer. (She said if she'd had squirty whipped cream, she would have used that, but she made do.) As soon as she stumbled back to her bedroom, she didn't remember going to bed, but woke up rested in the morning, chocolate mustache and all.
If it works for young girls and old girls, then it ought to work for middle girls like me. I'm going to try it!
What do you do to help you sleep?

Tristi Pinkston shout-out!

This blog is for my friend, Tristi Pinkston. For one thing, she's kind. She made time to help me set up this blog. I even trusted her with my password, but so far she hasn't slid in any of her witty, wonderful writing for me. BUT SHE DID feature me on her blog, and I get the AIRHEAD AWARD for not putting her on mine during the same week! Tristi is a versatile writer, with actual factual historical books and FUN-FUN-FUN mysteries! She is classy and professional, with an editing service AND panelist positions at BYU's most recent LTUE (The Life, the Universe, and Everything) conference with hundreds of attendees. Her sense of humor is divine. I still laugh when I think about her cake song presented with real pathos during one of our Storymaker Conferences! You will be so happy if you visit her website right HERE: Tristi Pinkston. You will see her "Ooh-la-la" photograph and could follow her blog to give you a spot of happiness! I think everyone should have a Tristi in their lives. I'm sure glad I do.
Who is one of your "Tristi's?"