Best Intentions Burned!

 

I try, we all try, but sometimes efforts don't match expectations. I've struggled with writing since November 2021, but I've always struggled with cooking.

One night after making soup and grilled cheese sandwiches, one of our six boys said, "Thanks, Dad, it's good."

"Yeah, I love these sandwiches," another son added. "Thanks for making dinner, Dad."

Surprised, I asked, "Why do you think Dad made this?"

Puzzled eyes turned to me. "Because the food isn't burnt." Then, with a gasp of sudden realization, my son asked, "Did you make this, Mom?"

"Yes, I did!"

"Good job," said another son, genuinely impressed.

"Yeah," said another of our boys. "You did it, Mom!"

You'd think I'd improve as I went, but just last week I was trying for this:

But got this:

(I was SURE I'd turned the oven off!)

And, honestly, how hard is it to microwave a potato?

It depends on whether Bob or I am doing the microwaving, and my hard potatoes prove that it's hard for me. (Haha!) 

(Guess who made the GOOD vegetables? Yep. Bob.)

In the writing world, I had the best intention of writing for an hour a day beginning November 2019. I wasn't 100% with my intentions, but I got three books done. (Dessert!)

When I presented the daily writing class at a Kanab Conference in November 2021, I was so scared I felt sick to my stomach!

Say what?

I've taught a decade of writing classes to children and adults. I created and ran the "Write Here in Ephraim" conference for six years. I was the Storymakers Conference chair. I've presented many conference classes, school presentations, and storytelling in several venues.

I'm not afraid to speak, so when I suddenly hated presenting, I didn't even feel like myself.

Why did my best intentions fall short of grabbing the cliff edge?

My best guess is that immunotherapy cancer treatments for recurrent malignant melanoma changed me. Since the 13 months treatment ended in June 2021, I can't make myself eat meat. I was even surprised that I spit out my first bite of comforting bread pudding last week.

Then I found this article:

"Food and drink can taste peculiar when you have some cancer treatments."

I also feel best after sleeping for 10 hours, and then having a nap in the afternoon! Here's a forum about that:

"The fatigue is a real thing, but there are so many different side effects that various patients experience."

For my being unreasonably scared to teach a class comes this little gem of information:

Immunotherapy is still a relatively new cancer therapy... psychiatric teams...consider immunotherapy as a possible factor in psychiatric presentations. A woman...developed signs of personality changes and acute mania after treatment with checkpoint inhibitors ipilimumab and nivolumab.

That's what they gave me! One of those is also known as "Keytruda," mentioned in this following article:

Keytruda has been reported to cause some neurological (brain-related) side effects. 

You just never know what's next, do you? When choosing a backpack color, I wanted the gray one. GRAY! Not blue, red, purple or orange. That is so Not Shirley!

Have you ever felt not like yourself? What happened?