Eating right, yeah, right

I got some old health magazines from the library give-away box with the best intentions of digesting the tantalizing information promised on the covers... "Shrink your waist in 20 seconds!"... "Have the energy of a 5-year-old in 50 easy steps!"... "Yes, you, too, can be a cover model for 'Sports Illustrated': It's never too late!"
So, I put the treasured magazines on the back of the toilet so I'd be sure to read them.
And I did.
And guess what? If you don't crush your garlic and let it sit for 30 minutes before using in a recipe, you will grow green spots and swell up to the size of an Olympic swimming pool.
If you don't let your watermelon sit on the counter for 5 days before cutting, you will die of watermelon vitamin deficiency and have to buried outside of the continental United States so as not to spread the disease.
If you don't cook your tomatoes to a certain temperature, little squiggly things from the blood-red innards will invade your body and make you do things out in public that you don't want to be accountable for. Like the hokey pokey.
My head was so mixed up with priceless information that I threw those magazines away.
Sometimes ignorance is bliss. And sometimes it's nice to have a few extra pounds. They keep you warmer in winter!