Out of the mouths... and other ends... of Babes

I was reading a book while babysitting my four-year-old grandson Connor. When the book was done, he said, "That story was ridiclious! Sometimes my daddy reads a book with just his mouth. Can you read a book just with your mouth?"
I wanted to say, "Where do you think your daddy got it?" but figured he wouldn't understand. So I told read him a book with just my mouth.
He topped it a short time later, though, when we were playing super heros. Connor popped up from where he hid behind his family's coffee table and pointed to his nearly 2-year-old brother. "Landon is a super dog named Jacob, and he shoots fireballs out of his butt."
I could tell he'd been in on some memorable diaper changes. I will be better off if I view all tasks, no matter how unpleasant, with a more Connor-ish point of view!

TB or not TB?

I was required to have a TB test, which isn't exactly as fun as going to Lagoon, but really no big deal, right? So I got the shot under the skin and returned 48 hours later for my reading. The injection site wasn't blistered, but it looked a little bit rosy. The nurse lady picked up my arm, scrutinized the tiny reddish spot, then scraped it with the edge of a Post-It note. She rubbed it with her thumb about 12 times, then squeezed it, then scraped it, then rubbed it. She took out a clear plastic strip printed with graduated sizes of circles and held it over the now-much-redder spot.
"Um, is everything okay?" I asked.
"Have you been out of the country in the past month?" the nurse replied.
"No."
She tapped the clear strip against her palm. "Well, even if you had, the mark on your arm would have to be four times as big to be a positive result."
SAY WHAT? All the scraping and pinching when it wasn't even close to the right size for TB?
"I have sensitive skin," I offered. "I bruise and sunburn easily."
The nurse smiled for the first time. "That must be it!" she said, and cheerfully signed my paper signifying I was clean-as-a-whistle. I grabbed the form and dashed out the door before she could decide to inject my other arm "just to make sure."

It's all in how you look at it

I really get annoyed when people call wet weather "bad." When was the last time they were really thirsty? Where do they think the water in the glass came from? No, not the tooth fairy.
We had practice for the Mormon Miracle Pageant tonight, and it was raining. There's a very cool invention called a raincoat that pretty much solves the getting wet and cold thing. And since I forgot to wear a hat, my hair got rained on, and by the time I got home, it was the perfect dampness to set in rollers so it will be curly tomorrow. Such a nice surprise from straight hair.
It's all in how you look at it!

Hot Babes in Kindergarten

What are kids coming to these? When I substituted in kindergarten, I asked a little girl what her best day ever was. She grinned her baby-toothed grin and said, "The day I got a boyfriend!"
SAY WHAT?! She should be in love with cookies and milk!
A young man in the same class looked through a book of world cultures. He stopped dead at a page of Mexican senoritas drawn in dancing poses wearing long skirts and peasant blouses, their black hair swirling around their heads. "Hot Babes!" he lisped, then began kissing the paper on top of their printed faces.
AGGHH! Slow down, you guys! You're only five years old! Act your age! It's fun to be a kid. I should know, since I still am one. ;o)